The Pause: 06
“I don’t chase closure when I know I was open.”
I’ve noticed something about the way I love.
When I’m in, I’m in.
I don’t give people half of me while keeping the rest somewhere safe in case things don’t work out.
I show up.
I communicate.
I make room.
I try.
I give the relationship a genuine chance to become what it could be.
So when things eventually go south, I’ve already done something that makes leaving a lot easier:
I know my intentions were pure.
That’s why I’ve never really understood the need to chase someone after they’ve decided to mishandle what I gave them.
I don’t need to interrogate them for an explanation.
I don’t need to convince them to understand what they lost.
I don’t need to sit around waiting for closure to be handed to me by the person who created the wound.
Because sometimes the closure is simply knowing:
I did my part.
People have thrown it in my face before that I act like I never loved them.
That’s not what happened.
I loved you.
I probably loved you more honestly than you knew what to do with.
But I heal like Wolverine.
😂
Not because I didn’t care.
Because once I’ve accepted that something is no longer safe, healthy, reciprocal, or worthy of what I brought to it, I don’t have much interest in repeatedly touching the wound to make sure it still hurts.
I move.
And yes, sometimes the people who fumbled you come back.
They check the temperature.
They send the casual message.
They find a reason to reappear.
Sometimes they want to know if the door is still open.
Sometimes they want reassurance that you still want them.
And sometimes, I think, they come back because they finally understand the difference between losing access to someone and simply ending a relationship.
They didn’t just lose a person.
They lost the version of love you were willing to give them.
But I don’t need them to realize that for me to know it was real.
That’s the difference.
I’m not healed because I never loved you.
I’m healed because I know I did.
And when I can look back and know I was genuine, I don’t have to chase the person who couldn’t honor it.
I can grieve it.
Learn from it.
Appreciate what was good.
Accept what wasn’t.
And keep moving.
Because I don’t believe every ending requires a final conversation.
Sometimes the most complete closure is realizing that you already gave the relationship everything you were supposed to give.
What they did with it afterward belongs to them.
What I do with myself afterward belongs to me.
And I’m choosing myself.
Every time.
The Pause
What if closure isn’t something someone else gives you, but something you can give yourself when you know you showed up honestly?
Pull Quote
I’m not healed because I never loved you. I’m healed because I know I did.
Category
Release
