THE PAUSE: 10

I CAN’T BE BOUGHT.

Let me tell y’all something.

Just because a woman is open to having a conversation with you doesn’t mean she’s interested in what you have to offer financially.

Sometimes, a conversation is just a conversation. Two people connecting, exchanging perspectives, laughing, learning something about each other. Imagine that.

This particular person had been following me for a while. We’d had good conversations, so I allowed the opportunity for more conversation. But somewhere along the way, money kept finding its way into the equation.

And honestly? It turned me off.

Not because I have anything against a man being generous. But when you keep dangling money in front of me, I start questioning what you believe you’re supposed to receive in return.

Then comes the message: “I was just trying to bless you.”

And that’s where I want us to pay attention.

A blessing shouldn’t feel like a bargaining chip.

You can offer me money. You can offer me gifts. You can offer me experiences. But none of those things purchase my interest, my affection, my time, or access to me.

And if I decide that I no longer want to entertain the interaction, that decision doesn’t become less valid because you intended to give me something.

I can appreciate a conversation without wanting anything more from you.

I can recognize your generosity without feeling obligated to reciprocate in the way you desire.

I reserve the right to change my mind when a dynamic no longer feels right for me. And if someone has a problem with the fact that my boundaries have evolved, I take that as an indication that our association may no longer be aligned.

My boundaries are not invalid simply because they’ve changed. The access I once allowed does not entitle anyone to continued access, and the version of me you once knew does not obligate me to remain the same.

You are allowed to adjust to who I am becoming, or you are free to vacate the association.

I can’t be bought. And I don’t need to prove that by refusing every kind gesture that comes my way.

My autonomy is not a transaction.