VI.“Me, Myself & I… and That’s It? Navigating Sex with a Selfish Partner”
Are You Just a Warm Hole or a Whole Person?
What Is “Selfish Sex”?
→ Not just someone who finishes first—it’s about disregard, disconnection, and lack of aftercare or reciprocity.The Cultural Conditioning Behind It
→ Heteronormative scripts, porn-influenced pressure, and a lack of communication education.It’s Not About Technique—It’s About Presence
→ You can tell when someone is with you vs. using you to perform or relieve.How to Bring It Up Without Shaming
→ Reframe selfishness as a missed opportunity for deeper connection (with concrete convo starters).When to Stay, When to Walk
→ If they respond with defensiveness or gaslighting (“You’re too sensitive”), you’re not being picky—your needs are sacred.Pleasure as Mutual Practice
→ Sex as co-creation, not consumption. What it looks like when both partners want to learn each other’s pleasure.
Let’s talk about selfish sex…
You know—the kind where they finish fast, roll over, and suddenly forget you even exist.
No aftercare.
No curiosity.
No “How was that for you?”—just a sleepy sigh and a towel tossed your way like a parting gift.
We’re not talking about someone having an off night.
We’re talking about a pattern of one-sided pleasure.
Where you’re a participant—but never a priority.
And we’re not doing that anymore.
🚩 What Does Selfish Sex Look Like?
It’s not just about who finishes first.
It’s about presence, intent, and mutuality.
Examples include:
Always initiating with their pleasure in mind
Ignoring or bypassing foreplay that centers your body
Skipping aftercare or emotional check-ins
Responding to feedback with defensiveness or dismissiveness
Treating sex like a performance or transaction—not a connection
🤯 Why It Happens
Sometimes it’s conditioning.
Sometimes it’s ego.
Sometimes it’s a lack of emotional maturity, empathy, or basic decency.
But most often?
It’s because they’ve never been taught that your pleasure is sacred, too.
And let’s be real—society doesn’t exactly hand out pleasure-positive communication skills in health class.
But being uneducated isn’t an excuse to be unaware.
🧠 How It Impacts You
When sex consistently centers the other person, you start to question:
Is it me?
Am I asking for too much?
Should I just fake it again?
Spoiler alert: No, you’re not.
And no, you shouldn’t have to.
This kind of dynamic doesn’t just affect your physical experience—it erodes trust, safety, and self-worth.
You begin to dissociate from your own desire.
You learn to tolerate instead of enjoy.
You shrink, fold, and silence the parts of you that crave to be met.
💬 How to Speak Up Without Shrinking
You deserve pleasure that’s shared, not just spent on you.
Here’s how to start the convo:
“Can I be honest? I feel like our intimate moments are a little one-sided lately.”
“I want to feel more seen and involved—not just used.”
“I love being physical with you, but I need us to slow down and tune into both our needs.”
“Can we explore ways for us to both feel satisfied and connected?”
If they respond with curiosity? That’s growth.
If they respond with gaslighting? That’s your red flag, babe.
💞 What Mutual Pleasure Actually Looks Like:
It’s not about perfectly timed orgasms or Kama Sutra-level technique.
It’s about:
Asking “What do you want tonight?” without assumptions
Slowing down to listen for body language
Caring about aftercare (a warm rag + water is foreplay too, okay?)
Recognizing that pleasure is a conversation—not a conquest
✨ Bottom Line?
Your pleasure isn’t extra.
It’s not a bonus.
It’s not a “maybe later.”
It’s the whole damn point.
And if someone consistently makes you feel like a guest star in your own sex life?
You don’t need to be quiet about it.
You need to be clear.
Because this isn’t just about sex.
It’s about self-worth.
And babe, yours isn’t up for negotiation.