XXVIII. “Don’t bend… stretch”

Why the people who stretch you are often touching the parts of you that never got tended.

There’s a certain kind of encounter that doesn’t feel random.

It doesn’t feel accidental.

It doesn’t feel convenient.

It doesn’t feel gentle at first.

It feels… targeted.

Like life looked directly at the parts of you that were never met, never protected, never mirrored—and said:

Here. This is where we begin.

Some People Aren’t Sent to Comfort You — They’re Sent to Awaken You

Not every relationship arrives to soothe you. Some arrive to activate what was left unfinished.

A child who needs more love than you ever received.

A partner who insists on communication when silence was once your survival.

A dynamic that forces you to slow down when you learned to disappear.

A connection that won’t function unless you speak, feel, repair, or show up differently.

At first, it feels unfair.Why is this so hard? Why does this require so much of me? Why does this touch such a raw place?

Because it’s not just about them. It’s about the part of you that learned to adapt instead of being held.

You Are Often Asked to Give What You Were Never Given

This is one of the most confronting truths of healing:

You are sometimes placed in positions where you must practice what you were denied. Not because you deserved the denial. Not because you owe anyone perfection. But because healing isn’t always taught—it’s embodied.

When you love a child who needs reassurance you never got, you feel it:

The ache.

The grief.

The resentment you don’t want to admit. The exhaustion of pouring from a well you’re still filling. And yet— something else happens. You start learning how love is supposed to feel.

Not in theory.

In practice.

You begin to recognize the moments where your inner child is watching, whispering: Is this what safety looks like? Is this how it should have been?

Some Lovers Aren’t Sent to Save You — They’re Sent to Teach You How to Speak

If you grew up in an environment where communication wasn’t safe— where expressing needs led to dismissal, punishment, silence, or shame— then intimacy later in life can feel like exposure.

So when a partner comes along who won’t let things slide, who asks you to explain, clarify, articulate, repair— it can feel triggering, invasive, exhausting. Not because communication is wrong. But because your nervous system learned that silence was protection.

That lover isn’t asking too much. They’re touching a part of you that was never allowed to exist out loud. And the work isn’t about pleasing them. It’s about learning that your voice doesn’t cost you connection anymore.

This Isn’t Punishment — It’s Pattern Completion

Life doesn’t send you these people to break you. It sends them to complete something.

To give your body a chance to experience:

• being needed without being used

• being heard without being punished

• being seen without being abandoned

• being challenged without being shamed

These relationships feel intense because they bypass your intellect and go straight to your imprint. They ask your nervous system to update its understanding of love. And updates are uncomfortable.

The Trigger Isn’t the Problem — The Old Adaptation Is

What rises in you isn’t failure. It’s history. The overwhelm when someone needs too much. The shutdown when someone asks you to talk. The irritation when emotional presence is required. The urge to flee when intimacy demands participation.

These are not character flaws. They are adaptive responses that once kept you safe. But they don’t have to run your life anymore.

You’re Not Being Asked to Be Perfect — You’re Being Asked to Be Present

Here’s what this season actually requires:

Not endless patience.

Not self-sacrifice.

Not martyrdom.

Not getting it right every time.

It requires awareness.

Noticing when your reaction belongs to the past.

Pausing when your inner child feels cornered.

Offering yourself the same gentleness you’re learning to give others.

Repairing instead of retreating.

Communicating even when your voice shakes.

This is how healing becomes lived—not imagined.

The Gift Is Mutual, Even When It Feels Heavy

That child who needs more love than you received? They’re teaching you how to soften without disappearing.

That lover who insists on communication?They’re teaching you how to stay without silencing yourself.

And you?

You’re teaching your inner child that the story didn’t end where it hurt.

That love can look different now.

That needs can exist without consequence.

That presence doesn’t require perfection.

You Are Not Behind — You Are In the Work

If this season feels demanding, it’s because it is. But it’s also sacred.

You’re not being tested to prove your worth. You’re being invited to rewrite the imprint.

To live what you never received.

To speak where you once went quiet.

To stay where you once fled.

To love in ways that heal forward and backward.

That’s not punishment. That’s evolution with witnesses.

And yes—it’s hard. But it’s also how cycles end.